Habits That Can Change Your Life
Challenges are part of life. But for people who have a tendency to over please, life comes with some additional challenges.
This pandemic is a perfect example of how those additional challenges may cause you problems. None of us could have been prepared for what happened during the pandemic, and even though the world is starting to open again, those extra set of challenges may really begin to cause you additional stress.
You may be easily swayed into doing something you’re not comfortable with yet- like eating inside at a crowded restaurant, or not wearing a mask inside a store.
You may convince yourself to do things that you think you “should” be doing like traveling to see family or friends even if you rather just stay home in your own bubble for a little while longer.
Now more than ever you find that you change how you behave when you’re with different people. You act one way when you’re with your family, another when you’re with friends, and even more differently when your work colleagues. You don’t want to rock the boat, so you find yourself pushing the real you down just to appease others.
You’ve become increasingly exhausted, overwhelmed, and frustrated as each month goes by because your doing even more for others just to be sure they’re taken care of during this bizarre time, and yet you feel guility for not doing more. You wish you could take some time for yourself but you don’t want to appear selfish or want people to think that you don’t care about them so you just continue to do what you’re doing while sacrificing your own wants and needs.
Here’s the thing…
When you have a tendency to over please or to be others-centered (aka a people pleaser), you think too much about other people and not enough about yourself, which can leave you feeling angry, resentful, and frustrated. But most importantly it can take a toll on your overall well being and lead to burn out.
There’s a reason flight attendants tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others. If you don’t make putting on your own mask your first priority, you will most likely not be able to help anyone else.
So what can I do about it?
There are 3 daily habits you can adopt that will support you in making the fundamental changes needed to break the pleasing cycle and transform your life.
The first is….Ask for help.
While this may seem simple, many of us struggle with asking for help because we’re afraid it may make us seem weak, demanding, or even make us appear incapable. If asking for help has been a struggle for you, the best place to start is with something small. You could ask your partner to load the dishwasher, or pick up the groceries on their way home. Every day ask for help with one thing.
Secondly…..say “no” to things that are not right for you.
Too often we put everything and everyone else first and we listen to what everyone else tells us that we “should” be doing or are “supposed ” to be doing that we completely lose sight of or have no time for doing things that we want.
You can begin saying no to things like staying up late and watching a movie with your partner because you need some extra sleep. Or, maybe you can say “no” to that friend who drains your energy and go for a walk instead. Perhaps it could be something like ordering take out instead of cooking dinner. Every day choose one small thing you could say no to and what’s best for you instead.
Third….Spend time by yourself doing nothing.
When the demands of life are constantly pulling at us, it is easy for us to stay in “active mode”. However, the best thing you can do for yourself is to simply do nothing. Find 10 minutes everyday to just rest and recharge by being by yourself. Stay in the bathroom a few minutes longer, sit on your front porch or balcony or even walk out into your garden. Find somewhere where you can be alone, just by yourself. Everyday find a place to spend 10 minutes alone and do absolutely nothing.
Implementing these 3 habits may seem easy, but for those who have a tendency to over please , these habits are often difficult to put into practice. They go against every fiber of your being.
But until you start asking yourself what’s more important to you, your sanity and your well being or your desire to please others at the cost of yourself, you’ll just continue to sacrifice your own wants and needs for the sake of others.
If the idea of doing these things everyday seems impossible and you’d like some support with learning how to start making yourself a priority without feeling guilty, I’d love to help you with that for free.
Book in for a free 30 minute introductory call where I’ll help you to get to the bottom of why you have a tendency to please everybody else while sacrificing your own wellbeing, and give you additional strategies you can put into place to break that cycle and say yes to you.
Link to book your free 30-minute session is HERE